Friday, December 30, 2016

2017 Goals Of Abbie

I have existed so much in people's lives that I have become a taken for granted convenience. This is not a complain but a stark realization. I used to enjoy my backseat, my niche, my alien existence from behind a pen name. Then I decided to crack my shell and invest emotions into the outside world. After years of living for other people, I have realized that loyalty, sacrifice, selfless love are just make belief goodies from fiction books and movies. In real life they are reciprocated by treachery, selfishness, and general disregard for every little bit that you do. And it could be different for other people, but for me this is the real script of my life. When a ship begins to sink, excess load is shed to help keep it afloat. The baggage I carried corroded my vessel and it is sinking now. I need to shed the load.

It feels like a sad note to start a new year --- but sometimes hurt is necessary to strike a realization of the cold, harsh truth. I have smiled and have been not smiled back at, I have cared and have been not cared for, I have stood up for people and have been walked all over by them, and so I cannot go on living a one sided relationship with this world. I have what I need: a creative space, my machines, money, and prayers - and I can exist in my own happily ever after inside my shell.  

My heels and palms are so chapped I could play the lead role in a cracked heels/ hands repair cream commercial. The piercings of my ear would seal anytime because it has been since forever that I wore earrings. And sometimes, I end up not shampooing my hair for 4 days because duty calls. I need to focus more on myself, take care of my needs. I absolutely don't know how that will happen but I will have to make time. My body systems are also shutting down (brain fog!) because I am always low on water. I need to drink up!
The Radio TV show is finally going. A Pilot and Episode 1 are already uploaded. I need to stay committed and keep it going. It is unbelievable how much I had to kick myself to actually start talking! Special thanks and standing ovation to my sister Sara and my lovely friend Asma who were the two kicks that started the show! I have a strong feeling that I will not be able to continue giving it my voice, but I will definitely keep the videos going. 
That means at the end of 2017 I should have a shining dozen kitchen adventures to share at the very least. I have the Kitchenspiration 2017 planned but then again I planned 2016 as well. My kitchen has always helped to heal me in so many ways. My loss of kitchen inspiration is similar to what Willy Wonka was suffering in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory when his chocolate wasn't tasting right.
There used to be a very friendly, and very real blogging community called Open Diary that I was a part of. People wrote about real life, and real emotions: hurt, pain, and anger. They bonded with one another over real emotions. Absent from each others lives --- but friends. I miss that so much. Everybody lost each other when the website shutdown. Platforms like Blogger, WordPress, and etc. do not have that sense of community. Besides, bloggers are more about profit earning commodity journaling social moguls now - you cannot connect with them on a human level. I need to find real people, talking about real life. 

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