Thursday, April 27, 2017

#A to Z Challenge Lessons Learned at 30: Voice Discomfort

Women (minus those who play villain) are taught to sit on a cactus and pretend it is a fancy, vintage cushion. The social jungle is supposed to be that corset that ties around them so tight their ribs crack and they suffocate. I have known discomfort in various forms. It was uncomfortable when an idiotic family uncle would put his spit all over my face with his sloppy kisses when I was a kid and I actually complained to make the pathetic kiss fest stop. Nobody wants saliva on their face! (apologetic note to dog owners who differ in opinion). It was uncomfortable when a teacher in middle school made me go up and down 50 times - a flight of stairs 3 floors down and up - to get supplies because she thought a fat kid = a kid with superhuman stamina! I did not say a word! I was uncomfortable going to that aunt's house who made sure her spoiled kids bullied me, and did not give up a wee moment to ridicule me at the age of 4! No complain! I was uncomfortable when some serious crap happened to me in school and I couldn't do anything about it. I was uncomfortable when a woman took a photo of me at a party without my consent and I knew she would be showing it around! 
But as I am growing older, some sort of BIGMOUTH is very slowly creeping out! That bigmouth Abbie - with no filters - is freaking me out. 'I am afraid I'd lose my character.' I was telling Sara. She begs to differ. She feels character is different than voicing discomfort. She always has. 
I discovered that bigmouth in 2008 when I stood up for myself and cut off ties that were questioning my existence. I witnessed that bigmouth again in 2010 when I blew the whistle and destroyed the teaching career of a damned fraud who was taking many students for granted at business school. In 2012 that bigmouth came out again to rescue Sara's hardwork being cast away into a freezer. And then in 2014 to defend my sister in law who was unknowingly on the brink of going through the same mockery at the same aunt's house. While these are some of the most fierce steps I took in voicing that I AM NOT OKAY WITH THIS HAPPENING, there are still incidences where I feel I caught a frog in my throat and couldn't stand up for either myself or a loved one.


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