Sunday, February 12, 2017

The Panic Wagon After Effects

This is the first time in my life that I am bewildered, exhausted, emotionally numb, socially withdrawn, and psychologically distressed after a trip instead of being relaxed and content. The Karachi/Umrah Trip 2017 experience has been an emotional trauma, surely, and the post-traumatic period seems to be stretching out in a pretty stubborn, grand way. There is so much that needs my attention: a room makeover, wardrobe closet makeover, video blogging, new cookery, a self-esteem series I need to start writing (it’ll be converted to a book later inshaAllah), and weight loss goals of course. But I am trapped in a writer’s block, a lazy spell, a down-in-the-dumps feel, and a mental numbness that doesn’t seem to go away no matter how much sleep I get. 
I believe it is the after effect of the high panic life I have been living since October 2016 (when the trip prep took off in combination with the family’s birthday season) to February 3rd 2017 (that’s when I flew back from Karachi). In between I was rushed to meet various deadlines, make a ton of international travel arrangements (trust me Saudi Arabia is one tough country to travel to), complete a lot of paperwork, wrap up a ton of business issues because I was leaving for a month at the beginning of a new book year, and attend to the material and emotional needs of a very challenging group of people. The Panic Wagon created a very high power daily run and now that it has all stopped all of a sudden my mind and body are still spinning out of proportion. 
There is a chain of wrongs (disasters!) that happened through the course of this Panic Wagon (Oct 2016 - Feb 2017) and they will never be forgotten. It wouldn’t be exaggeration if I say that I have been in that dark pit with Lucifer. And now Lucifer (the Panic Wagon) holds my soul captive and I can’t feel anything. The only good thing about this situation is the thought of Sam Winchester’s less-than-perfect face! I digress --- here is the chain of disasters:
  • The car wasn't available all the time and I couldn't meet some of my girlfriends.
  • The water heater broke down and I showered with freezing glacier water!
  • I was told the weather was hot and I didn't pack for the chill that Karachi city had!
  • A lizard jumped at me in the shower (big time pathetic-ness!) I cried! Serious tears!
  • Long queues at offices for business related works.
  • Nasty experiences with ungrateful, manipulative people.
  • Mr President announced immigration restrictions. My family is all citizens but we were still anxious about coming back home and being bothered at the airport. 

I was keeping myself alive with my art journal, enjoying the short time my niece stayed with us and we hung out, and of course enjoying the personal spiritual moments during the Umrah trip to Saudi Arabia.  
Have you been on the Panic Wagon? How bad was it? How'd you survive?


  1. I am going to assume you and your family made it back home without too much trouble. I'm very glad (read: relieved) you did.

    I've not been on a panic wagon like you. My problems tend to be full blown crisis (coming home after my daughter's high school graduation to find the house flooded), or low-level, long-term problems, which I can escape by reading, writing, or losing myself while I binge-watch a tv series. 😁 I'm actually at my best in a crisis, cool, calm, and collected, and I've learned to practice self-care to keep my balance otherwise. Kinda necessary when you have five kids. 😊

    Again, I'm glad you made it home alright.

    1. Hey Suzanne, this is such a late reply. But I have been very missing. I really didn't like the state of mind I was in when I was there. But I am back now and I feel so good.

  2. As Salam Alikum sister
    Nicely written, sorry you are dealing with the panic wagon it's not very fun and it is hard to get off of , what I found that's helped me is grounding techniques when the panic is bad, journaling / writing about it and talking to someone you trust about it, I used a counselor for a while and it helped a lot. Pm me if you need any help or would like to talk about it more

    1. Walaikumassalam, I am good now Alhamdulillah. It was just a low time - a challenging one - and it flew by.


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