Friday, April 15, 2016

Abbie Says: #13 "Marriage Is Not A Compromise"

My entire Facebook planet is married --- and also every girl my age in the social universe. Marriage is a highly important, and sacred, institution and I am not against it in any way. BUT --- there is always a but --- I still stand single because all the prospective suitors that have come my way have implied [or explicitly stated] a compromise on my part. I am not willing to compromise more than I can handle. Unfortunately, majority of my acquaintances who have tied the knot say things like:
"The best years are the single years."
"Enjoy your freedom while it lasts."
"It is not the same as we used to be."
Isn't finding a soulmate supposed to be better than anything we have ever lived?
Some have changed their city or country of residence for marriage, some have changed the way they dress up because of their husband, some have abandoned family problems and responsibilities because the husband and in-laws did not like the add-on hassles, some willingly submit to the mistreatment by their husbands and in-laws, some are changing their bodies because of the 'perfection' their husbands want them to be, and some are simply waiting at home for their husband's attention and time. Some have given up further education, some have given up their social lives. Isn't a life partner supposed to be a best friend who teams up with you to take on life together? 
The reason I am still ruling the Singles kingdom is that I do not wish to live a compromise and no girl should. I have a mother who needs help in old age and a home to manage. That is why I cannot say yes to a lady asking me to marry his son on the other coast of the United States. I am a practicing, confident, and strong Muslim woman and I wear the headscarf in a very fashion-forward, groomed, and presentable way. That is why I cannot say yes to a woman who wants her daughter-in-law to take the Hijab off. 
Ladies always surrender to social pressure. "You won't find another one." "It would be too late." "Everybody compromises" are fond pressure statements. I beg to differ. I cannot compromise because I know I will not be happy in the long run. If I say 'yes' to a man who has the ill habit of smoking, I will forever live as a passive smoker and so will my kids. I cannot compromise breathing clean air. THANKS. I cannot marry a guy who has a family of drunkards and drug addicts because that's not the kind of environment I am comfortable with. I cannot say 'yes' to a man who says he does not pray and feels that he is being honest in answering that truthfully because how can someone who does not pay attention to his God, pay attention to me?
The lesson is simple ---
Marriage is not a compromise. Do it right or don't do it at all!

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