The Abbie's 3 Pet Peeves

INSTRUCTIONS BEING ISSUED AT ME FIRST THING IN THE MORNING

Okay --- I have not had my Chai, my stomach is rumbling, and acid is coming up my throat. I am hungry! My muscle spasms are at their best early morning, I have not stretched. My joints are creaking. I am dealing with setting the Chai to boil on the stove - getting the kitchen started. And --- someone begins to shoot instructions at me at 9000 per minute! This could be anybody! A tenant needing the thermostat fixed, a bill screaming to be paid sneaking up on me from my bag, my mom telling me the to-do list I already wrote last night, or my sister stressing on jobs left undone! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHRRRRRRRRRRGGGHH! I know I know I know! But let me LOAD first! I hang just like your PC / laptop (that you are more sensitive about) when it's trying to boot and you click open multiple apps and folders and then hit Google Chrome!

WHEN SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T KNOW A THING ABOUT ME / MY LIFE RECOMMENDS A SUITOR

💩 A poop emoji is MUCH needed here! A specific breed of people exist in the Desi (Indian and Pakistani) community. These are aunties or married females to be precise. They live to poke their schnoz into people's lives. The most favorite question on their plate of cynical criticism (towards me) is about if I am single. The reality of the fact becomes clear to them when they see me quite independent, working the works, and well --- making an entrance with my blood family and not a spouse. Next up --- they serve a platter of unwelcome life advice and if I am lucky they offer my mother a catalogue of suitable suitors. It is always a treat to go through these 'bios' or 'profiles' as they call them. Instead of being a portfolio of eligible bachelors it appears more of a suspected illegal immigrants brochure that I could always submit to Homeland Security and win brownie points! And when my mother politely refuses (me having uttered vile abuse upon viewing the 'profiles') these free and self-proclaimed matchmakers hit us with 'useful' life advice and insist we consider the eligible dudes. Such life advice has directed me to consider abandoning my business and moving to a new geographical time zone and pop babies with a stranger. At other times, I have been asked to wed a 5 years younger immigrant who was 'ready and willing' just to get the dark blue passport. Alas, there have been recommendations made to rip off my hijab! Who wants Emmanuel Macron for a husband?
WHEN I AM SPOKEN TO WHILE IN THE SHOWER / ON THE TOILET

Facepalm! What exactly CAN I do about the doorbell ringing when my hair is foamed up with Biotin shampoo and the rest of me is covered in Softsoap Pink Peony and Sea Salt exfoliating body wash?! And what difference can I make if I am in the middle of a bowel movement and USPS dropped a parcel on the front porch in the pouring rain!? 

THIS ENTRY IS WRITTEN FOR NOVEMBER JOURNALING MONTH 2018.