Monday, February 16, 2015

Concerning Desis: There and Back Again - A Desi's Tale by The Abbie

Desis; living and whining mostly in the Indo-Pak [South Asian] subcontinent of the world (and also spread out otherwise through "various" means of immigration), are quite to ignore but not "be" ignored - the Indo-Pak subcontinent being, of course, full of strange people beyond count. In fact it has been remarkable that Desis are only really passionate about food. Also upon keen observation one can tell that we have developed a keen interest in the brewing of Chai [particularly Dhoodh Patti, commonly called by the Western folks as Chai Tea Latte] and the smoking of cheap cigarettes. But where our hearts truly lie is in shor sharaba [noise], hungama [chaos], tafreeh [fun], and creating siyaapay [problems of the most unique and foolish nature]. All Desis share a love for things that make the belly grow And without doubt to all the others our ways seem quite ... well ... Desi. But it is no bad thing to celebrate a simple life - the Desi life of Dhoodh Patti, Siyapay, and Mauj Masti [entertainment]. 

If you haven't noticed [which means you are a Desi 98% by chance] the paragraph above is a parody of "Concerning Hobbits" - an introduction to a memoir being written by Bilbo Baggins in Lord Of The Rings. Being an ardent fan, I couldn't think of a better way to introduce the breed I belong to - Desi - commonly Pakistanis and Indians. Then there are the hybrid breeds: American Desi, British Desi, Australian Desi and so on. Even the hybrids have so many different kinds.

Bauji - The Unhappy Living-Abroad Desi
Nothing can make this guy happy. He has spent 30 years abroad, own a huge supermarket besides a gas station, and has the peaceful time in the world to feed the pigeons at Trafalgar Square. But, he is still very disappointed with his life of luxuries and wishes to go back to his home country.

Frankie Ramdayal - The Out Of Control Desi
This fellow has a clear identity crisis going on. He cannot decide whether he is Desi or American. In trying to be "out-of-control" he's turned into Frankie. 

The Hateful Desi
Meet Jazz [changed from Desi name Jasmeet]. She hates her home country and everything and everyone related to it. And she is pretty vocal about it in front of the London Bridge.

Desi Aunties Sorority
This is the nightmare clan. These women think they are the masters of the social universe. They've got super long noses ready to poke into other people's businesses, their social contact lists are longer than Santa's gifts-to-give list, their eyes are always on others' jewelry, and their mouths are superfluous with community gossip. 
P.S. They play matchmakers. And if you do not let them, they will sit at your party at your expense and tell you you look like a 37 year old when you're rocking the hot late twenties boat while their "assets" are gradually depreciating.

The Desi Plastics a.k.a. Mean Girls
They are built for the kill in making life miserable for anyone who moves in fresh, or is more traditional in lifestyle. They will not reply to you when you ask them something as if you came in from the Pensive and are not actually visible. Or, they will stare down at you like you came from a dung churning well. They will come to your casual party wearing pearls [or so they seem] and talk about fancy living and elite class shopping. Wait till they find out you travel Business Class and they will give you a golden ticket to their Plastic Sorority. 

The Melodramatic, Son-Obsessed Desi Mom
Expression when son is going out for work
Expression when son is going out with friends
When son is going out with wife

The Desperate Desi

They talk in whispers, dream endlessly of prince charming, their sole goal in life is to get married, and their conversations of married life are pretty explicit.

Desperate Desis
They wear tourist clothes in practical life just to showcase they are abroad.
They take dramatic photos before famous, monumental places

The Normal Desi Folk
They love their lives, have foreign cereal, and find Desi food for their liking. They miss their home country without the drama, ask for bargains, hunt for discounts and sales, and love being Desi.

I still feel I am the normal Desi who encounters all of the above weirdos. My Desi Diaries: Chai with Abbie are tales of such encounters. Also, I am blogging down Chai adventures [because I can go anywhere for Chai], Desi events and happenings, and everything Desi. 


  1. Bwhahaha XD
    Amrish Puri would go like "Mogambo Khush hua" after reading this post :P
    I love these movies :)
    Fun post.

    Neal Kind
    Daily Diaries

  2. Hahaha! It was a great post. Everything's on point. I wish I could add my bits for desi aunties' clans but it will take hours. You know!

  3. Thanks for reading Neal. Amrish Puri was a classic scary Bauji in DDLJ.

  4. Thanks Noor! You must add your points in a Desi entry yourself! The more the merrier!

  5. Oh abbie you are a genius with words. I read it all the way to the end and laughed all the way thru. Awesome. Keep up the good work.

  6. Oh abbie you are a genius with words. I read it all the way to the end and laughed all the way thru. Awesome. Keep up the good work.


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