Monday, July 30, 2012

Road Legal On Friday The Thirteenth

Superstitious fools engage with horse shoes, wishbones, salt, and other antics on Friday the Thirteenth. This July, when Friday was on a 13th, I was engaged with something else. I was busy revising the tricks of parking my car! The adrenaline was skyrocketing, I was in for a road test. The myths of multiple failures before one actually passes the road tests were haunting my mind and I was summoning up ways to overshadow my public moment of embarrassment when the agent would tell me, "You have failed, please get out of the vehicle." That morning was a blur.
Getting myself in for the driving test, even the basic computer skills tests level, was a nightmare. Since I was changing my home country's license to a state license, I had to go through ultra high security checks and verification. My existence was being questioned! I was being told, again and again, that people bring all kinds of fake documents so mine could be one of those. Nasty!
After spending a couple hundred bucks on cab service to D.C. to get my licence, and physical existence, verified from my country's embassy, I finally got in for the computer skills test. As my twisted fortune always goes, the test had some pretty different questions from what I had practiced and learned in the driver's manual and the website tutorial. Nasty! I was sweating in all the places because towards the end of it I had only 3 questions left to answer and the computer was telling me that I had to get 3 right to pass. I recited all the verses of the Quran that could intervene on my behalf with Allah to save me and BINGO! I nailed the test. I was one happy fool that day.
The old lady at the counter said I needed to schedule a road test next. It sounded similar to scheduling my death sentence or something. Next she handed me my date and time, FRIDAY THE THIRTEENTH 8:30AM. Are you kidding me? I do not believe in superstitions and being a Muslim, Friday is a blessed day for me. That thought kind of overshadowed the figment of my imagination where I saw the agent fail me because it was his personal Friday the 13th favorite thing to do!
There I was, on Friday the Thirteenth, standing at the kiosk again to check in for the road test. There was a super scary agent roaming around and his permanent agent's mood swing was spraying right out of his mouth. My gut feeling is always right, mashaAllah! I knew instantaneously that my test for the day rested with this round bellied not-so-gentleman.
There it was ... right in front of me ... the dreaded obstacle course ... the very grounds where people fail terribly ... the road skills test facility ... I was doing my breathe in breathe out routine, reciting holy verses, summoning spiritual help, whatever you may call it. The same round bellied fellow came up to my car and asked my brother to get off the wheel and had the machine over to me. I took position, grabbed my Ed Hardy cover steering wheel and said Bismillahir Rahmaanir Raheem (I begin in the name of Allah the Most Beneficent Most Merciful). Mr. Round Belly had a temper problem. He was rude, arrogant, and very proactive with sarcasm. He asked me to turn the car's key in the ignition but halfway. My car is a touch button ignition and I opened my mouth to inform him but he assumed I was going to sing My Heart Will Go On, or something, because he cut me off and repeated the instruction. My brother stepped in to comment but he fired an insult right at him to step away as if he would somehow help me cheat on the test! Next, he told him to leave the premises and wait in some far off area.
I had braced myself, my will was as strong as steel.

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